


The Lighthouse Keeper - A Chanlix One Shot

by Rocklobsters0304



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: AU, Angst, ChanLix, Christmas, Drabble, Happy Ending, Hope, Lee Felix is a cutie, M/M, One Shot, Soft Lee Felix, Wishing, friendship?, light - Freeform, slight mention of depression, stray kids - Freeform, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:21:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28159704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rocklobsters0304/pseuds/Rocklobsters0304
Summary: "I will be your lighthouse keeper bring you savely home to me."
Kudos: 12





	The Lighthouse Keeper - A Chanlix One Shot

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to The Lighthouse Keeper by Sam Smith and got inspired :)

The cold wind softly blew through his blond curls as his shoes left a straight track of footprints in the white sand, although it was impossible to see due to the pitch black night that almost seemed to swallow them whole. Given the severe frost December was known for, the temperature was somewhat pleasant this evening. The waves were calmy washing up the coast, leaving gentle music for his ears. The grass from the dunes next to him softly rustled in the wind. From time to time, he could hear some shells crisping underneath his feet. He was the only one at the beach that evening. He wondered why. But then again, it was late that evening, and probably everyone but him would lay down in his bed, cheeks red with excitement as they would wait until the next morning was upon them. There was a time where he was excited about it.

He stopped walking, turned around to look behind him. He had no idea where he was going. He had no idea how far he had gotten. It was impossible to get lost here, given the beach was a straight line, but it didn’t feel like it.

Chan sighed and continued his path. Slowly and unwillingly, his thoughts moved away from the sound of the waves, on which he had tried so hard to focus. He looked up to the sky for the numerous times that night, but it was too cloudy to even see a start. Eventually he couldn’t distract himself anymore. The emptiness filled his body again. It was strange. By this time he thought he would have gotten used to it, but he hadn’t.

He never did.

He thought back of the times he would lay in bed and just cry his eyes out, but strangely even that stopped after a while. It was as if he had lost the ability to cry. That was when he had started to go outside. Whenever he couldn’t sleep, he would drive up to the beach, which wasn’t even that far from his house, since the beach was almost situated near his town. He’d take long walks, usually until the sun would come up. After that he’d drive home, and take 3 hours of sleep before getting ready for work. It wasn’t healthy, but in the past month, he’d done that almost every night. 

Tonight he hadn’t even tried to crawl into bed. He had gone from his work straight to the beach, without even eating dinner. He didn’t care. He wasn’t hungry. It was as if someone had tied a knot in his stomach. He knew why, but instead of dealing with the problem, he distracted himself with the long walk that no had been counting up to 3 hours.

Chan hadn’t even realised he had gone so far until he saw the vague contours of the old lighthouse pop up in the distance. It was hard to spot, given the fact that the lighthouse never was lit. It hadn’t been for a long time. There was an old story going around town that, a long time ago, the lighthouse used to be lit every night, but one night, the light had stopped working. And no matter what they tried, they couldn’t get the lighthouse to work again. It was said that the lighthouse was haunted. Others said that it was just very old. And given the last fact, they decided to leave it. Since then, it has been standing as an artefact, although some people claimed that they had seen the lighthouse light up again one night. Chan had always chuckled as those people had told these stories with such great passion. Too great for him, since it was a children's story.

Nevertheless, he’d always turn around far before he would even reach the lighthouse.

Yet this time he didn’t. 

The lighthouse continued to grow as he came closer. And with each step, he started to see more details. Because he’d always make a U-turn before reaching it, he never had the chance to take a closed-up look. The lighthouse was actually magnificent.

He stood still in front of it for a while, admiring it’s stone framework. It was white at the bottom, but as it went up the white faded into a light shade of beige. On the top was what Chan supposed was the old operating room from the lighthouse, which had a dark color so it was hard to distinguish it from the blackness of the night. 

After taking a while to admire the lighthouse, Chan knew that it was time to go home. He took a look at his phone. The display said that it was eleven o’clock. He had to make a choice: turn back and try to get a proper amount of rest, or walk some more. He chose neither. Instead, he walked over to the lighthouse and sat on the ground, back against the wall. He sat there for a while, breathing in the fresh ocean breeze. But eventually the inevitable happened and thoughts started to flood back to his head. He pulled his knees up to his chest and hugged them, burying his head in his lap. He had no idea how long he had been sitting there. He only knew that he was done. So. Fucking. Done.

And he knew that tomorrow this process would start over again. That it wouldn’t change. That this would-

Chan almost fell over as all of a sudden, a bright light from above him lit up the dark.

He jumped up, took a few steps away from the lighthouse and saw that the light at the top was on and fully functioning. The door that was closed just a few seconds ago, was now slightly open. 

Before Chan knew what he was doing, he approached the door with small passes as his heart pounded in his chest from the sudden jumpscare. The small strap of light from behind the almost closed door seemed to call him. He opened it slightly more, halfly expecting that a ghost would jump up in front of him. Luckily for him it didn’t. So he walked up the stairs, not knowing why he was doing this. Yet his heart started to calm down. He walked up the well lit spiral staircase, all the way to the top, until he was standing before a closed door. What was he supposed to do next? Knock? Just open the door? It wasn’t too late to turn back. But Chan had already walked to the top, and he wanted to know what was going on. So he gathered all of his courage, and after a slight hesitation, he knocked on the door.

Nothing happened.

He knocked again.

‘Hello?’ He said. His heart almost dropped as he heard soft footsteps on the other side of the door. Yet the door remained closed. This was his chance, run away screaming and never come back here. 

‘Anyone in there?’ His voice was shaking. The other side remained silent. Chan took a deep breath, thinking of how this might be the end, and opened the door.

He had expected the worst. Maybe a serial killer with a hook as a hand. A flesh-eating zombie. A crazy person from a mental institute.

Yet, a silver haired guy from around his age was standing in front of him. He was wearing a long green coat, with black trousers underneath it. In the light coming from outside, it seemed as if his features were glowing.

For one second there hung a silence between them, but the boy broke it by giving him a bright toothy smile.

‘Thank god, I thought you were never going to come in!’

‘What?’

‘Oh, where are my manners?’ The boy said as he reached out his hand. ‘Let me introduce myself. My name is Felix.’

Chan reached for his hand in hesitation. ‘H-hi- my na-name is Chan.’

‘Welcome Chan!’ The boy apparently named Felix shook his hand in vigor before letting go. 

‘Uhm thank you,’ Chan said. ‘Uhm what, how?’

‘Oh yeah, you must have a lot of questions.’ Felix said as he grabbed Chan’s hand to pull him out of the doorframe. ‘But before that, have a seat,’ he pointed at the table in the middle with two comfortable chairs at each end. ‘Do you want some cocoa? Who am I kidding, of course you do.’ Chan opened his mouth, but Felix already walked over to what seemed to be a machine that produced hot chocolate. ‘This will only take a minute. Feel free to look around in the meantime.’

Chan did as Felix told. Other than the table and the hot chocolate dispenser, there was a small sofa standing by the window, with a wooden stove on the right side and a christmas tree on the left side. On the direct opposite was a small bed with comfy pillows and a plaid on top of it. On top of that there was an operating panel right next to it. There even was another door, which, guessing what Chan had seen earlier, would lead to the balcony of the light house. Chan wondered how on earth everything was able to fit into such a small room.

‘Quite impressive, huh?’ Felix said as he returned with two steaming cups of hot chocolate. He placed one of it in front of Chan before sitting down. He took a sip and sighed in satisfaction. ‘So good. Always warms me up.’ He opened his eyes and saw that Chan hadn’t picked up his mug yet. ‘Come on, take a sip.’

Chan hesitated, but he picked up the cup and moved it to his lips. He had to admit, the chocolate milk spread warmth spread a nice, comfortable feeling through his body, fading away the cold that had been taking over his body all day.

Felix grinned. ‘Told you it was good .’

Chan nodded and for the first time since he had entered the room he smiled. 

Felix placed down his mug. ‘You are probably wondering why you are here.’

‘W-well,’ Chan stuttered, ‘actually I am wondering why _you_ are here.’

Felix rolled his eyes and laughed. ‘This is my lighthouse.’

Chan raised an eyebrow. ‘Ehm, I figured that, but I mean, not to be rude, this lighthouse has been out of working for a really long time.’

‘You are wrong,’ the silver haired boy said. ‘This house has been operating for years now.’

‘No it hasn’t.’

‘Don’t you think that I know my house better than you?’ Felix raised an eyebrow.

‘Sorry, no-’ Chan hurried to say. ‘This is just so weird.’

Felix laugh appeared on his face again. ‘No worry, it will all become clear soon.’ He finished the rest of his chocolate milk and stood up. ‘Drink up, we have a lot to do tonight.’ Chan nodded and tried to gown the hot liquid as fast as possible.

‘Ready?’ Chan nodded again as he wiped his lips with the sleeve of his jacket. Felix walked over to the door Chan had spotted earlier. ‘Follow me.’ He said before opening it. Chan did as he said. The door led to a smaller hallway, which ended into a stairs going up in a spiral again.

‘I hope you are not afraid of heights.’ Felix said as he turned around. Chan shook his head. ‘Good,’ he said as he continued walking. It wasn’t a long climb, considering that they were already at the very top of the lighthouse. Yet, the stairs had let them up to a space which was directed exactly under the light. In combination of the light and the open windows, Chan was able to see everything around him. He could watch over the dunes, seeing the small houses. He could see them in the distance as the horizon was touching the sea. It made him feel so free. 

‘Breathtaking isn’t it?’ Felix said as came to stand next to Chan, hands on the balcony.

‘Yes,’ Chan mumbled. He looked at Felix.

‘Can you finally tell me what this means?’ Chan said, as it didn’t seem like Felix was about to speak soon.

Felix chuckled and turned his head to him. ‘Well, I guess I have let you wait for long enough.’

Chan nodded vigorously.

‘Well, as I said before, this lighthouse has been working for years. Every year, on the night before christmas. But only the people who need it can see the light.’

‘I need the light?’ Chan asked.

‘Well, you are here for a reason.’

Chan kept silent and Felix shrugged.

‘Allrigh, you don’t have to tell me why. Anyways, people come here to make a wish.’

‘A wish?’

‘Yes,’ Felix continued. ‘You know, people get to make a christmas wish every year. Sadly, those wishes don’t always come true.’

‘Oh,’ Chan said, although he knew all about it. How many years he had tried to make the same wish over and over again, only ending up with no result.

‘It’s sad isn’t it?’ Felix's cheerful expression dropped. ‘Nowadays, not everyone knows what to wish for, and therefore take their wish for granted and wish for something they do not truly want. People have also stopped believing that their wish will come true. The whole power of christma wishes have come to waste.’ The sadness in Felix's eyes left as soon as it had appeared. ‘But here, everyone actually gets a chance to believe again here.’

‘What does that mean.’

‘It means that you get to make a powerful wish. A wish that they truly need. All you need to do is know what you want to wish for and actually believe that can come true.’

Chan’s heart dropped as he heard those words leave Felix’s mouth. The latter noticed his sudden mood shift.

‘It’s okay,’ he said reassuringly. ‘Most people don’t know it immediately. It’s a biggie so take all the time you need. I’ll promise you you will figure it out in time.’ 

That somewhat took the pressure off Chan's shoulder.

‘Thank you.’ Felix nodded and took a look at his golden wristwatch.. 

‘Oh Jolly,’ he said. ‘We have a lot of time to kill. Do you want to go inside again, have some more chocolate as you think of your wish?’

‘I actually wouldn’t mind standing here for a while,’ Chan answered smiling. 

‘Good choice,’ Felix said. They stood together in silence.

‘Felix, can I ask you something?’ Chan asked after a while. 

‘Yes.’ Felix looked up, looking at him with awaiting puppy eyes.

‘Doesn’t it get lonely up here?’

Felix chuckled. ‘You’d think so, but it doesn’t. I am happy being on my own.’ 

Chan huffed. ‘Don’t you miss company?’

Felix shook his head.

‘I’m not alone all the time. In fact, after this night I’m going home, spending Christmas with my friends and family. Of course me and the other lighthouse keepers also gather around to drink some more hot chocolate-’

‘There are more like you?’

‘You are not the only one who’s lonely and needs a wish. Yes, I know.’ Felix added when Chan raised an eyebrow in shock.

‘Well then,’ he said, ‘You probably also know that I can’t be with my parents again this year.’

‘No I didn’t, I am not a mindreader,’ Felix winked. ‘So you can’t be with your parents.'

‘And friends.’

‘Why not?’

‘It’s hard to explain, but I haven’t spoken to them in years.’ Chan sighed. ‘I have done some terrible things Felix. Things that I can not fix anymore.’ He looked up to Felix. ‘Is there any chance I can wish for the past to change?’

‘Uhm-’ Felix said. Chan nodded and shrugged.

‘I figured.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Felix said as he played with the hem of his coat. ‘I have to disappoint many of my customers with the same answer. You can wish for almost anything you want, but changing the past is not one of those things.’ He hesitated. ‘Is it really that bad?’

‘Let’s just say that If I told you what I have done you would probably throw me off the lighthouse.’ 

‘Well, If I did that this would probably be my last day here. That seems like a huge sacrifice,’ Felix said jokingly.

Chan let out a light chuckle. ‘I just used to believe that things would turn out right.’ He sighed. ‘Right now, I just don’t know what to do.’

Felix nodded and placed a hand on his chin. ‘You know what you have to do tonight.’

‘Is it going to be enough?’

‘That’s up to you.’ Felix said. Chan was a little disappointed by that answer. He lowered his head.

‘You know that it’s gonna be alright right?’ Felix said.

Chan wanted to believe that, but he had lost faith in that a long time ago too.

‘You’re the only one who can change you.’

‘I know,’ Chan said. He had really tried. ‘I have tried, believe me.'

‘You don’t have to tell me that, I know.’ Felix said. ‘But it takes a lot more effort than you might expect.’

Chan shook his head. ‘I am not that strong,’ He answered.

‘I think that is all just in your head.’ Felix continued as Chan didn’t respond. ‘Look at it this way. If you have a problem, there is always a way to change it. If it’s not a problem, then it’s a fact that you’ll have to live with. I am not saying that it’s going to be easy, and that the problem will go away overnight, but there always is a way.’

‘Look,’ Chan said. ‘I have wished so many times that I could fix my mistakes. I have tried to set everything straight. I have tried to make myself a better person. I have put effort into it but I failed. I have so many problems that I don’t even know where to begin. I screwed up everything so badly that nothing I ever do to set things straight seems to work, and I know that I am drowning in self pity right now but I just don’t know how to get out. Everywhere I look my life seems to be a dead end.’

It remained silent for a while. Chan hadn’t even realised that his hands had clawed on the balcony and started to lose its color. He let go of the balcony and tried to calm his racing heart. It had been a long time since he had opened up to someone like that. He felt so vulnerable.

‘I’m sorry,’ Chan said and his voice broke. ‘I didn’t mean to-’ a tear slipped from the corner of his eye. 

‘Please, don’t apologize. Don’t ever apologize for how you feel.’ Felix said and he placed a hand on Chan’s shoulder. ‘You have been walking around with that for a long time, haven’t you?’

Chan nodded and wiped away his tears. ‘I am not normally a touchy person like this. I don’t like it. I feel like a drama queen.’

‘I don’t think you are.’ Felix said. ‘Let me tell you a story about a boy. He was in the same place as you. He felt lost all the time. He didn’t speak to anyone about how he felt. His close ones showed him all the love he needed. But he couldn’t see it, and started to distance himself even more. He slowly began to push people away. Then one day he got a phone call with the message his father was rushed to the ER. The chances of him making it were really low. The boy was standing there with the whole family. Everyone was standing around his bed, crying and praying for him to get better. The boy cried too, because he wished that he’d appreciate the time they had spent together more. He wished that he had told him more how grateful he was, and how much he loved him, and how much he needed him,’ Felix stopped. Chan hadn’t noticed that his mouth was slightly agape.

‘What happened next?’ He asked.

Felix smiled. ‘Against all odds, his father got better. And the boy hugged him crying, telling him how scared he had been and how much he had missed him. He changed that night. He became more open. More grateful. He started to feel better. He found his way. And every year he thanks his lucky stars.’

Chan chuckled slightly. 

‘What is it?’

‘It’s you isn’t it?’

A red blush appeared on Felix’s cheeks. ‘We all take the wrong path sometimes,’ he said. ‘but that doesn’t mean we are lost. It just means we need to go back. And I think you can do that.’

Chan smiled. ‘You’re so wise.’ He said. ‘If I only knew better I’d say that you're not my age.’

Felix shook his head and chuckled. ‘Then you might wanna rethink that. As I said before, this lighthouse has been operating for years now.’

Chan looked in the distance again. ‘I think I know what I wanna wish for,’ He said. Felix tore his gaze away from the view and smiled.

‘That’s great.’ He said

‘Well, I wish-’

‘Don’t tell me.’ Felix interrupted. ‘It won’t come true if you do.’ Felix looked at his watch again. ‘Your timing is perfect. It’s almost midnight.’

‘What do I do?’ Chan said. Felix fumbled around in the pocket of his jacket. He fished out a small white star.

‘Hold this in your hand as you make the wish.’ Felix instructed. ‘It will warm up a little bit, don’t be scared. Just close your eyes and try to think of your wish really hard.’

Chan nodded as a sign that he understood. ‘What happens after that?’

‘You will fall asleep right after you make the wish. I will walk you down but I don’t think you will remember.’

‘Does that mean I won’t see you ever again?’

‘No, nor will you see the light.’ 

‘But what if I need you again? What if I get lost again? What if things stay the way they are?’

‘Don’t you understand?’ Felix smiled. ‘This is your new start.’ 

Chan felt tears well up in his eyes. ‘Thank you Felix,’ he whispered. 

‘Don’t thank me, it’s what I’m here for.’ Felix placed a hand on Chan’s shoulder. ‘And remember, I will always be your lighthouse keeper.’

Chan smiled back and looked one more time at Felix before closing his eyes. The star in his hand started to warm up. He squeezed his eyes shut, repeating his wish over and over again in his head as a mantra.

It didn’t take long before his eyes grew heavy, but Chan tried to ignore the feeling. He never stopped repeating his wish, but it became harder and harder as he did so. He wanted to open his mouth to ask Felix what was going on, but he was unable to move his lips. His mind started to feel hazy. Was it working? Was he making his wish now? Why was it so hard? Nevertheless he didn’t stop wishing. He was so done with his lifestyle. The loneliness, the emptiness, the numbing pain… It has to work.

Did he just imagine it, or was there a clock striking in the distance? 

‘Goodbye Bang Chan,’ He heard Felix say, although it sounded like his voice was coming from a far distance. He felt his hand slip away from his shoulder.

 _Goodbye Felix,_ Chan thought, before he surrendered to the darkness.

\- 

As Chan opened his eyes, the orange light of the sun that rose up from the sea met his gaze. Chills ran down his spine. It was so cold. 

Wait-

Chan turned his head only for his gaze to meet with the concrete of the stone bricks.

Had he actually dozed off against the lighthouse? That was a new one.

Shivers ran down Chan’s spine, because his thick winter coat hadn’t given him the warmth that he needed. But then again, he was surprised he hadn’t frozen to death.

Chan stood up, shook his head so the remaining sleep would go away. He was surprised when he found out that it actually worked. Or maybe it was the cold.

Chan started to make his way home, leaving the lighthouse behind him. As he did so, he put his hands in his pockets to give himself at least a little bit of warmth.

He stopped his track as he felt an unfamiliar object in his right pocket. Curiously he took the object out of his pocket and saw that it was a small white start.

And then it came back to him.

The light, the lighthouse keeper, and the wish.

Chan stared at the star, his mouth agape, his fingers tracing the silver lining from the tiny object. Then he stared at the lighthouse. And he smiled. 

The house at the top of the lighthouse was dark from the inside, seeming as if there was no sign of life.

But things weren’t as they seemed.

Chan turned around, took a deep breath and started to head back to the place where he had started all of his walks.

And this time he knew everything was going to be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello my fellow nuggets, long time no see :) I have been so busy lately (I'm in my first year of college and hardly have any time to write), but I will make sure to add more chapters to my already existing stories haha. Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this short christmas drabble. I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and may your wishes come true :) 
> 
> Daphne <3


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